Rating: R for explicit language and adult subject matter.
Author: dark_blu a.k.a. Liane
A girl sits at her computer in her room, alone, dutifully reading up on Elijah Wood, his works, his passions, his life and with each word read she falls a little bit more in love with him.
She never thought a boy could be so loving and so kind.
Perhaps it is because he isn’t a boy at all, yet a man.
She knows Elijah Wood through and through. She guesses she knows him well, yet has never gotten the privilege to meet him.
Never gotten the privilege to personally seek his adoring smile
Or to be penetrated by his intense, icy-blue eyes.
More than anything, the girl thought, I would love to meet him.
Feel his gaze upon me
His supple hand on my shoulder
His friendly, endearing, completely genuine smile.
Obsession, lust and love flashed in the girl’s eyes.
Her gazing at Elijah pictures was rudely interrupted when her mother barged in her room.
“Lucie, get the hell off the computer and fix your dad a goddamned sandwich! I’m going out to have a smoke.”
“Shut the hell up, Lucie. I’m not in the mood for your shit today,” Lucie’s mother said as she coughed a raspy, smoker’s cough. “He’s been working late at the plant so you better get him some God-pounding food before he gets agitated. You know what happens when he gets mad, Lucie.”
With that, our girl, now known as Lucie, slouched in her computer chair with a deep sigh. Lucie’s mother, distastefully nicknamed Barb, descended down the stairs. Lucie could hear the screen door swing open, and then slam.
“Only God knows why he can’t make his own sandwich,” Lucie muttered disdainfully as she proceeded down the gray carpeted stairs, once white with cleanliness…now stained with body fluids, smoke and drink.
“Lucie! I’ve been waiting almost ten minutes! What the hell have you been doing up there? You better not have gotten into my stash—“
“NO, DAD. I DIDN’T.” Lucie yelled, irritated.
“Don’t take that tone with me you little bitch! I put a God-pounding roof over your head—“ With that, Rob, Lucie’s dad, took a swing at her with a large, drunken fist. Lucie ducked out into the kitchen and resumed with the making of a submarine sandwich.
“Just how you like it Daddy, thick with anthrax and rat poison…” Lucie thought to herself, smiling and wishing that the sandwich really was filled with those poisons, rather than salami and mustard.
“Here, Rob.” Lucie said casually as she plopped the plate down on the nearly-destroyed cork coffee table in front of him.
“Now many times have I TOLD you not to call me ROB?! I’m your Goddamned Dad, Lucie, whether you like it or not! This better not have fucking mustard on this, Lucie or I’ll—“
“No ROB, not FUCKING mustard, just regular mustard.”
“Damned smart-ass!” Rob yelled up the stairs. “Why can’t you be more like Annie?”
Annie is Lucie’s little sister, aged twelve and the perfect, submissive intellect. Lucie pitied Annie more than envied her. Annie was special, and she would have to grow up in this tainted environment with a psychotic, menopausal, clinically depressed woman for a mother and an aggressive, alcoholic, manic-depressive for a father.
“I wonder what Annie thinks of me,” Lucie wondered aloud. “She probably thinks I am a simpleton, stuck in a monotonous life such as she but not suffering as bad. After all, I have tolerated our parent’s abusive relationship longer than she has. Damn, I wish I was adopted. Then I wouldn’t be as scared that I would be susceptible to their natures,” Lucie thought about her parents.
“Hey Luce, can I borrow your makeup?” Annie asked as she stepped over the ash-stained carpet into the dismal lighting of Lucie’s battered room.
“Sure. Good thing you are getting out of the house tonight, Annie, Rob’s going to the bar again tonight.”
“Again? That would be the 5th night in a row THIS week!” Annie exclaimed.
“Well what do you expect? Old habits don’t die fast…even though it is more of an addiction than a habit. Maybe it’s both. Oh well, who gives a shit. Just make sure your ass is out of the house.”
“Yeah, I’m going to Bryon’s house. What are you doing tonight?”
“Stay out of trouble over there. That boy’s a damn crack fiend.”
“Yeah whatever, you know I don’t do that shit Luce.”
“You still haven’t told me what you are doing tonight.”
“Well, I only got five fan letters out this week. My quota was 9 so I think I am going to stay home and work on that.”
“To Elijah again? Do you think he even reads them?”
“I dunno. If he does I’d be enthralled, if not at least I can beg someone for love and attention and not feel like a complete idiot.”
“Well lock your fucking door if you are staying,” Annie warned.
“Stop fucking swearing. You are beginning to sound like Ma.”
“Sorry. See you tomorrow!”
“Have fun. Don’t touch that boy Annie or I’ll skin you alive.”
Annie didn’t hear Lucie; she was already trotting back into her bedroom with Lucie’s extensive collection of makeup. Shrugging off her concern for her puritanical younger sister, Lucie took out her personalized stationary and her favorite pen and began writing a long letter, once again to Elijah. This time Lucie prayed he would read it.
I don’t know if you read these, but I pray to God that you do. I wish so hard that you would. I hope to God that you would read these and know how much I love you and admire you as a person. I feel like I can talk to you about any—
Scratch that. Lucie tore up the stationary and threw it out into the hall, which was now becoming the household garbage can.
“That sounds so desperate, pathetic and corny.”
“Not so different than your last letters to him then, right?” Lucie’s reflection mocked her in her cracked, ballerina mirror.
“Shuttup you useless fuck!” Lucie screamed at the mocking reflection.
“That’s right. You are useless. Your letters to Elijah are all in vain, anyway, because even if his agency got them—“
“What do you mean IF?” Lucie hysterically sobbed.
“Ha, poor thing. You didn’t know that every night Barb takes them off of the mailbox and stores them under her bed? She never wants you to meet him. She never wants you to get out.”
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Lucie cried, now in a complete rage.
“Sure it is. True is the sky is blue or the grass green. Anyway, like I said, even if the agency did get your letters, Elijah Wood would never read them.”
“How the hell do you know?” Lucie retorted to her own reflection.
“I know because I am you. I am your worst fears in the back of your mind. Too bad for you that your worse fears all happen to be true.”
Lucie huffed in silence as her eyes started to bulge. A vein was throbbing at her temple and her fingers clenched her dirty sheets.
“Why would someone so perfect, so gorgeous, so utterly amazing ever waste their precious moments considering a fan like YOU? A disgusting piece of white trash trapped in suburbia hell due to the fact that you are too prosperous to live with the rest of your trailer trash family, but too poor to live decently! Ha.” Lucie’s reflection concluded, and then quieted, waiting for a tormented response.
There came no coherent words from Lucie’s mouth. She was having another fit. The whites of her eyes were turning yellow, her knuckles were turning white from clenching her dirty sheets, on her mouth lay a thick layer of foamy spit and her vein was throbbing out of control. Lucie was screaming and crying uproariously. If anyone who didn’t know Lucie’s situation were to walk in right now, they might think her a rabid dog or someone with an extremely odd case of epilepsy. Lucie’s rage was out of control, and when Lucie was irate, bad things happened. The doctors didn’t understand it and couldn’t diagnose it, but gave her some kind of pill to attempt to console the family anyhow. Lucie then started to shiver uncontrollably. The shivers soon turned into seizures. When Lucie has her fits, she needs to be administered several blue pills. The family didn’t know what exactly what was in the blue pills to make her calm down, but they worked so they assumed they were some kind of mild tranquilizer. Annie always thought it was odd that they were to give Lucie the pills during her fits, since you aren’t supposed to give afflicted people food and water when they seizure. However, even this illness was beyond Annie’s expertise and completely beyond anything their parents knew how to deal with.
Barb could here her child screaming, crying, convulsing, but did nothing. She sat out on the porch and puffed her cigarettes, assuming that Rob would have to take care of her this time. Rob sat in his recliner, downing another bottle of cheap beer while shoving chunks of the salami sandwich in his mouth which was filled with artificial and gold teeth. He also heard Lucie, but assumed Barb would have to take care of her this time. Annie was applying a thin stripe of liquid eyeliner when she first heard her sister. She threw down the tube in a mad rush, smeared her eyeliner and burst into the bathroom, hysterically groping for Lucie’s prescription. When she found it, she carelessly opened the bottle and dumped a handful of pills into her palm and then rushed to Lucie.
Annie cleared objects away from Lucie’s head so she wouldn’t hurt herself, and then shoved pills into her sister’s open mouth and verbally coached her to swallow them. Lucie did, and just as soon as the fit sprung, it had stopped.
“Got angry again, didn’t you?” Annie said, while taking a wet washcloth and putting it against Lucie’s forehead.
“Yes. It’s hard not to, when you know you have no chance with the only person you’ll ever love.”
“Oh Gah, not that again,” Annie said. “You caused yourself so much grief over HIM? Well Christ Lucie of course you have no chance with him, he’s a flipping MOVIE STAR.”
Lucie stared blankly at her hospital-white walls covered with pencil and crayon scribbles, miscellaneous holes and damages and Elijah Wood posters and prints.
“I’m serious. You don’t understand. You see, I feel if he met me…He would love me too. And he would love me too…HE WOULD LOVE ME, ANNIE. JUST LIKE I LOVE HIM. AND WE WOULD LOVE EACH OTHER.”
“Shh, Luce. Calm down. It will be okay.” Annie said slowly. Even though Annie was the younger of the two by four years, she often played the older sister role because she is so responsible and mature, sometimes an annoyance to Lucie.
“No it’s NOT going to be okay. Look where we live, who we live with!”
“I know, I know,” Annie consoled.
“If I could just get out there. If I could just find him. If we could just meet. I know there are so many things we could talk about. He is so multi-dimensional, fascinating, intriguing and beautiful, Annie. In my heart, in the depths of my heart, I know we would be perfect for each other.”
“I know, I know,” Annie repeated.
Lucie continued to stare at the wall for quite sometime, until Annie left her to finish getting ready. Lucie then laid down her weary head and her eyes once again filled with tears. Quiet tears. Tears for her love of Elijah Wood. Tears for the seemingly unattainable perfection.